Standstill

#10081278 / gettyimages.com

In the stillness of a busy street
In the silence of a million voices
The world is moving on
Yet my time
My time is at a standstill

In the calmness of a roaring sea
In the tranquility of a thundering waterfall
The world is spiralling from under my feet
Yet I feel
I feel I am standing still

Shall I go forward, or shall I go back?
Who can wade through the depths of time?

In the crevice of an open road
In the darkness of shimmering lights
The world is leaping
Yet my mind
My mind is at a standstill

In the whisper of the howling wind
In the quietness of a raging storm
The world is fiercely changing
Yet I am here
I am still here, standing still

Father and Son

Hold my hands and guide my steps,

But don't drag me to the place where you think I should go;

Stand behind me and catch me should I fall,

But don't stand before me to stop me from finding my way...

親愛的爸爸 (To My Dearest Dad)

親愛的爸爸

感謝您

從不讓我「有求必應」

好讓我學會珍惜我所擁有的

感謝您

從不給我過多的零用錢

好讓我學會積蓄和節儉

感謝您

每年每月不停努力的工作

讓我體會到努力不懈的成果

感謝您

從來沒有要求過我什麼

好讓我能夠闖出我自己所要走的路

感謝您

從來沒阻止我的信仰

好讓我得到了人生最大的福份

感謝您

一路以來那無言的愛

好讓我明白到行動比說話更重要

感謝您

一路以來對我的不離不棄

好讓我生活從不缺乏

感謝祂

讓我有福氣成為您的女兒

讓我成為今天的我

爸，打從心底的感謝您，父親節快樂！

To my dearest Daddy

Thank you

For never fulfilling my every request

Such that I could learn to cherish the things I have

Thank you

For never giving me too much pocket money

Such that I could learn to be thrifty and save up

Thank you

For working hard day and night, month and year

Such that I could see the fruits of hard work and perseverance

Thank you

For never asking too much of me

Such that I could find and walk my own path in life

Thank you

For never stopping me from my faith

Such that I could obtain the biggest blessing in my life

Thank you

For loving me without words

Such that I could learn actions speak louder than words

Thank you

For never giving up on me

Such that my life has never been lacking

Thank God

For the blessing of becoming your daughter

Such that I could become who I am today

Daddy, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Happy Father's Day!

Underneath the fancy clothes
A decaying body
An ugly heart
A wretched soul
Selfishness, anger, malice
Envy, jealousy, and pride
Reeling their ugly heads
Catching me unaware
Is this who I was?
Who I am?
Or what I have become?

But by this I know
Of this I can be certain
I have been saved by grace
And grace alone
An ugly heart
Given a makeover
A wretched soul
Given the light of day
Not because of who I was
Who I am
Or even who I will become

On that last day
His blood
His righteousness
His glory
Shall cover my sins
My guilt
My shame
My decaying body will be no more
My ugly heart no longer be
And my soul
My wretched soul
Will be forever renewed
And forever belong to Him

A confession from an emotional hoarder...

I'm an emotional hoarder--I'll admit to that. I've kept almost every single letter, card, postcard, and anything with sentimental value that you can think of for almost two decades. Not that I look at them often, but come the time of spring cleaning, I would most certainly find myself sitting on the floor and just read through the words handwritten by those who have come into my life one time or another.

Such sentimental items have, inevitably, decreased in number ever since the introduction of emails, e-cards, e-whatever. The only mail I get in the mailbox nowadays are bills, junk mail, and internet-shopped goodies. And even though I have 10 GB and counting of space in my email inbox, the majority of emails received fall into the following categories (in order of quantity): promotional material, work-related, prayer letters, and random emails from my husband. I can't remember the last time a friend had written just to say hi or to update on what's been happening in his/her life--heck, I can't remember when was the last time I had done the same!

The cyber world has made reaching another person so easy--too easy, in fact, unless you are determined not to let too much of your information seep through the packets of data being sent all around the world. With Facebook, I was able to get in contact with many long lost friends from primary school and high school years, which is so amazing! Yet at the same time, I feel more removed from them than I ever did... It was great to see where everyone is at, what everyone is doing after so many years, how their looks haven't changed, etc, etc, but to be utterly honest, after the first few Facebook messages along the lines of, "Oh my! Long time no see! It's so good to be in touch again! What's going on in your life? Here is what's going on in mine...", the communication kind of stops there. I can still like their photos, comment on their status updates, but who am I kidding if I think I can rekindle that old spark of friendship that we shared so many years ago? As a matter of fact, I actually really want to, but I also understand that we are all living our different lives in different places now, with our different friends, and unless we all share that same desire to rekindle old friendship, we can only remain as we are--Facebook friends with a history. A history that goes beyond the Facebook timeline.

But that's life, isn't it? We can't be everywhere all at once. We can't be friends with everybody at the same emotional level. We are so limited, and try as we may, we are unable to maintain the same depth of relationship with everyone except those few who stick by us even when the sky falls down. Yet at different points in time, all these friends have been a huge part of my life. I thank all of those who have left footprints in my heart over the years, who have helped me become the person I am today.

I remember fondly the days when we wrote letters on pretty letter papers to communicate. I miss the feeling of anticipation of receiving a reply, however long it took. I miss seeing handwriting that conveys emotions, instead of emoticons that I have trouble understanding sometimes. And I feel sorry to all the friends who have once been in my life but I failed to keep in touch with them as I should--when it was me who failed to call, or write, or email. I am sorry if I have disappointed you. And if you are still my friend despite all my failings, thank you for staying in touch. :-)

I saw a quote recently: "The past is a place that's very worthwhile visiting, but not worthwhile staying." I love reminiscing about the good old days, but I know I cannot forever stay in the past and wish things would still be the way they were. Yet I do hope that somewhere, someday, somehow, old friendships can be rekindled and we can reminisce together of what used to be, and look forward to what will become. Meanwhile, even just the odd email or Facebook message/comments will have to suffice. :-P

P.S. Wow, this has got to be the longest post on this blog to date. Thanks for reading if you got this far! ;-) Oh, and in case you were wondering, I used a photo of my cat because she, too, is an emotional hoarder--but the negative kind. She holds grudges.

A possible reason for why my car broke down this morning...

"Gumnut! Gumnut!" My daughter cried in her car seat as she watched the garage door close. She was looking forward to a day with her little friends at the child care centre, but our car decided to go on a strike and we weren't going anywhere. Not only so, I was told roadside assistance would arrive within 90 minutes. 90.

I had tried everything I could think of to start the car. Looked through the manual, called the men, searched google, and finally, called for roadside assistance (yes, in that sequence, don't ask me why). There was nothing more I could do, and that's what I told my daughter. Needless to say, she kept crying. "Look, sweetheart, there's nothing I can do now. We can't go to Gumnut today. The car is not working... But, we could pray (what, where did I get this idea from)? We could ask God to help us (yeah right, as if He would care about such mundane things)? I don't think the car is going to start, I mean, God *can* if He wants to, but yeah, let's pray..." (italics my thoughts)

So I prayed with my daughter. I prayed that somehow, the car would start, and we would be able to get to Gumnut. Yet as I prayed, I pretty much didn't believe it would happen. Why would God answer a prayer like that?

"Alright, I'm going to try start the car one last time (I really think this is pointless). If it doesn't start, we'll have to go back into the house okay?"

Garage opening, key in ignition, key turned, headlights flicker on/off noisily, and the car remained as it was (see, as if it would miraculously start).

"Sorry sweets, car isn't working!" As I turned from my daughter and was just about to close the garage door again, I almost couldn't believe my eyes. The roadside assistance car was reversing on to our driveway!!! I looked back at my daughter, "Look! God answered our prayer! Someone is here to fix our car! Yay!"

I had not expected assistance to arrive so quickly. It was within 15 minutes of my call for sure. Of course, having roadside assistance arrive early didn't mean the car would be fixed, yet for me, I was just amazed that they arrived exactly at the time after we prayed. Now, I know you may think this is all in my head, that if I hadn't prayed, assistance would have arrived at precisely that moment anyway, and you are probably right. Yet I don't think this is about my 'prayer' working, but the fact that God allowed me, and more importantly my daughter, to experience Him. For me, I prayed with little faith (if not none!), and had an expected answer in mind (the car would start miraculously) that I didn't expect to happen. Yet the outcome was indeed out of my expectations--I didn't have to wait long for help to arrive.

I am no expert in prayer. I don't pray often enough and I haven't worked out this 'prayer' thing around my head either, but I can confidently say that God listens to and answers our prayers. Yes, even a little girl's one. I don't know whether my daughter knows what praying really means, but I hope that one day, she may remember this little incident where we prayed, and God answered.

And the end of the story? Well, it turned out that our car had a flat battery, easily fixed. We got to Gumnut safe and sound, and my daughter was able to spend a lovely day with her friends there! :-)

How has God answered your prayer today?

P.S. I'm in no way implying that prayer is useless in the sense that things will happen even if we don't pray. God can choose to work through prayer (which I think is pretty awesome), but prayer is a big topic and probably warrants another post ;-)

Little Joys

What brings a smile to your face? What instantaneously, and without warning, makes you grin from ear to ear?

For me, it has to be those little moments I share with my family. The giggles from my almost 5-month-old when his hand touches my face, the smile of my almost 2-year-old when she is pleased with herself, the picture of seeing my husband, my kids and I just enjoying each other's company and doing silly things (as you do when kids are around)--these moments are just so precious, and each moment has me exclaiming: life is good!

When my daughter calls out for me to cuddle her, and I get to hold her tight as she plays with my hair--life is good. When my son is feeding, and I can feel his warmth as he clutches my finger in his hand--life is good. When my husband and I both have one child on our laps, and we can cuddle, play and laugh together--life is good.

Yet for every moment that makes me smile, that has me thinking over and over that life is good, I am gripped with fear that these moments won't last for ever. And the reality is, they can't. For one, my children will eventually grow up, and there will come a day when they don't want to be cuddled and kissed anymore (fair enough). For another, no one can predict what would happen to the world tomorrow, or to us.

But I don't want that fear to ruin these moments--these little joys in life that make our hearts glad. I'm learning to savor every drop of them, and at the same time, learning to be trusting in the one that holds the future. When life's turmoil comes my way, I want to be able to look back and smile no matter how hard and painful life gets...

What about you? What are the little joys in your life? Treasure them, cherish them, and be thankful for them. They are life's little energy boosters :-)