Follow... (unpublished post from 2012)

Not many of us are natural born leaders. On the other hand, not many of us are natural born followers either. And I don't mean following a crowd like a herd of sheep kind of follow (because we seem to be pretty good at that, aren't we?), but following a particular leader and submitting to his/her leadership kind of follow.

In fact, I think we all want to be our own leaders. Or, to put it in another way, we don't want to be forever looking at someone else's back. After all, the view at the front is always much better.

I once gave myself a challenge: to test how long I can stay behind a car on a stretch of road given we were both travelling at or under the speed limit. I can tell you, it didn't last very long. The car in front of me wasn't slow, nor was he driving poorly in any way. There was no reason for me to overtake him, and yet, be it lack of patience or the fact that I just wanted a better view, I eventually ended up overtaking anyway. And the view was great! There was no car in front of me to obscure my view (not that it really did), and even though I travelled at the same speed as before, it meant I was no longer following the car that was in front of me.

Granted, this probably is a fairly poor example of the point that I'm trying to make. Yet I do not think the mentality of not wanting someone ahead of us is foreign to any human being. Admittedly, we don't really like rules, or maybe we just don't like the rules that someone else has made up for us. We don't want to be pushed to travel at someone else's pace. We just want to do things our way, as we see fit. And when great minds think alike, you get a following. Not following a particular leader, but just a set of ideals or ways of doing things.

Having said all that, we know for a fact that there has been, and still are, plenty of leaders that are worthy of following. 

Find them, or be one of them.

Epiphany

I had an epiphany today.

I do not like to 原地踏步 (literal meaning: stepping in the original spot). That must be why I don't like exercises that require being in the same spot the whole time (e.g. treadmill). I would much rather spend an hour walking outdoors in nature than spend 15 minutes doing HIIT.

And yet, 原地踏步 is precisely what I have been doing these past 10 years.

And yet, whilst I do not like being stuck in the same spot, I am also resistant to change. I have always hated moving houses, moving cities. If I had the choice, I would have stayed in the same organisation as long as I possibly could. Mostly because I'm fiercely loyal, but I can't help but wonder if it's also because I'm resistant to change. 

這也太矛盾了吧......

Too much for my little brain to deal with today, but at least I have an excuse of why I don't want to do exercises that require movement in the same spot! 

An unfinished poem from Oct 2015...

Oh! How fleeting it is!

To pour your heart and soul

Only to be trampled and thrown

Oh! How fleeting it is!

Standstill

#10081278 / gettyimages.com

In the stillness of a busy street
In the silence of a million voices
The world is moving on
Yet my time
My time is at a standstill

In the calmness of a roaring sea
In the tranquility of a thundering waterfall
The world is spiralling from under my feet
Yet I feel
I feel I am standing still

Shall I go forward, or shall I go back?
Who can wade through the depths of time?

In the crevice of an open road
In the darkness of shimmering lights
The world is leaping
Yet my mind
My mind is at a standstill

In the whisper of the howling wind
In the quietness of a raging storm
The world is fiercely changing
Yet I am here
I am still here, standing still

Father and Son

Hold my hands and guide my steps,

But don't drag me to the place where you think I should go;

Stand behind me and catch me should I fall,

But don't stand before me to stop me from finding my way...

親愛的爸爸 (To My Dearest Dad)

親愛的爸爸

感謝您

從不讓我「有求必應」

好讓我學會珍惜我所擁有的

感謝您

從不給我過多的零用錢

好讓我學會積蓄和節儉

感謝您

每年每月不停努力的工作

讓我體會到努力不懈的成果

感謝您

從來沒有要求過我什麼

好讓我能夠闖出我自己所要走的路

感謝您

從來沒阻止我的信仰

好讓我得到了人生最大的福份

感謝您

一路以來那無言的愛

好讓我明白到行動比說話更重要

感謝您

一路以來對我的不離不棄

好讓我生活從不缺乏

感謝祂

讓我有福氣成為您的女兒

讓我成為今天的我

爸，打從心底的感謝您，父親節快樂！

To my dearest Daddy

Thank you

For never fulfilling my every request

Such that I could learn to cherish the things I have

Thank you

For never giving me too much pocket money

Such that I could learn to be thrifty and save up

Thank you

For working hard day and night, month and year

Such that I could see the fruits of hard work and perseverance

Thank you

For never asking too much of me

Such that I could find and walk my own path in life

Thank you

For never stopping me from my faith

Such that I could obtain the biggest blessing in my life

Thank you

For loving me without words

Such that I could learn actions speak louder than words

Thank you

For never giving up on me

Such that my life has never been lacking

Thank God

For the blessing of becoming your daughter

Such that I could become who I am today

Daddy, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Happy Father's Day!

Underneath the fancy clothes
A decaying body
An ugly heart
A wretched soul
Selfishness, anger, malice
Envy, jealousy, and pride
Reeling their ugly heads
Catching me unaware
Is this who I was?
Who I am?
Or what I have become?

But by this I know
Of this I can be certain
I have been saved by grace
And grace alone
An ugly heart
Given a makeover
A wretched soul
Given the light of day
Not because of who I was
Who I am
Or even who I will become

On that last day
His blood
His righteousness
His glory
Shall cover my sins
My guilt
My shame
My decaying body will be no more
My ugly heart no longer be
And my soul
My wretched soul
Will be forever renewed
And forever belong to Him

A confession from an emotional hoarder...

I'm an emotional hoarder--I'll admit to that. I've kept almost every single letter, card, postcard, and anything with sentimental value that you can think of for almost two decades. Not that I look at them often, but come the time of spring cleaning, I would most certainly find myself sitting on the floor and just read through the words handwritten by those who have come into my life one time or another.

Such sentimental items have, inevitably, decreased in number ever since the introduction of emails, e-cards, e-whatever. The only mail I get in the mailbox nowadays are bills, junk mail, and internet-shopped goodies. And even though I have 10 GB and counting of space in my email inbox, the majority of emails received fall into the following categories (in order of quantity): promotional material, work-related, prayer letters, and random emails from my husband. I can't remember the last time a friend had written just to say hi or to update on what's been happening in his/her life--heck, I can't remember when was the last time I had done the same!

The cyber world has made reaching another person so easy--too easy, in fact, unless you are determined not to let too much of your information seep through the packets of data being sent all around the world. With Facebook, I was able to get in contact with many long lost friends from primary school and high school years, which is so amazing! Yet at the same time, I feel more removed from them than I ever did... It was great to see where everyone is at, what everyone is doing after so many years, how their looks haven't changed, etc, etc, but to be utterly honest, after the first few Facebook messages along the lines of, "Oh my! Long time no see! It's so good to be in touch again! What's going on in your life? Here is what's going on in mine...", the communication kind of stops there. I can still like their photos, comment on their status updates, but who am I kidding if I think I can rekindle that old spark of friendship that we shared so many years ago? As a matter of fact, I actually really want to, but I also understand that we are all living our different lives in different places now, with our different friends, and unless we all share that same desire to rekindle old friendship, we can only remain as we are--Facebook friends with a history. A history that goes beyond the Facebook timeline.

But that's life, isn't it? We can't be everywhere all at once. We can't be friends with everybody at the same emotional level. We are so limited, and try as we may, we are unable to maintain the same depth of relationship with everyone except those few who stick by us even when the sky falls down. Yet at different points in time, all these friends have been a huge part of my life. I thank all of those who have left footprints in my heart over the years, who have helped me become the person I am today.

I remember fondly the days when we wrote letters on pretty letter papers to communicate. I miss the feeling of anticipation of receiving a reply, however long it took. I miss seeing handwriting that conveys emotions, instead of emoticons that I have trouble understanding sometimes. And I feel sorry to all the friends who have once been in my life but I failed to keep in touch with them as I should--when it was me who failed to call, or write, or email. I am sorry if I have disappointed you. And if you are still my friend despite all my failings, thank you for staying in touch. :-)

I saw a quote recently: "The past is a place that's very worthwhile visiting, but not worthwhile staying." I love reminiscing about the good old days, but I know I cannot forever stay in the past and wish things would still be the way they were. Yet I do hope that somewhere, someday, somehow, old friendships can be rekindled and we can reminisce together of what used to be, and look forward to what will become. Meanwhile, even just the odd email or Facebook message/comments will have to suffice. :-P

P.S. Wow, this has got to be the longest post on this blog to date. Thanks for reading if you got this far! ;-) Oh, and in case you were wondering, I used a photo of my cat because she, too, is an emotional hoarder--but the negative kind. She holds grudges.

A possible reason for why my car broke down this morning...

"Gumnut! Gumnut!" My daughter cried in her car seat as she watched the garage door close. She was looking forward to a day with her little friends at the child care centre, but our car decided to go on a strike and we weren't going anywhere. Not only so, I was told roadside assistance would arrive within 90 minutes. 90.

I had tried everything I could think of to start the car. Looked through the manual, called the men, searched google, and finally, called for roadside assistance (yes, in that sequence, don't ask me why). There was nothing more I could do, and that's what I told my daughter. Needless to say, she kept crying. "Look, sweetheart, there's nothing I can do now. We can't go to Gumnut today. The car is not working... But, we could pray (what, where did I get this idea from)? We could ask God to help us (yeah right, as if He would care about such mundane things)? I don't think the car is going to start, I mean, God *can* if He wants to, but yeah, let's pray..." (italics my thoughts)

So I prayed with my daughter. I prayed that somehow, the car would start, and we would be able to get to Gumnut. Yet as I prayed, I pretty much didn't believe it would happen. Why would God answer a prayer like that?

"Alright, I'm going to try start the car one last time (I really think this is pointless). If it doesn't start, we'll have to go back into the house okay?"

Garage opening, key in ignition, key turned, headlights flicker on/off noisily, and the car remained as it was (see, as if it would miraculously start).

"Sorry sweets, car isn't working!" As I turned from my daughter and was just about to close the garage door again, I almost couldn't believe my eyes. The roadside assistance car was reversing on to our driveway!!! I looked back at my daughter, "Look! God answered our prayer! Someone is here to fix our car! Yay!"

I had not expected assistance to arrive so quickly. It was within 15 minutes of my call for sure. Of course, having roadside assistance arrive early didn't mean the car would be fixed, yet for me, I was just amazed that they arrived exactly at the time after we prayed. Now, I know you may think this is all in my head, that if I hadn't prayed, assistance would have arrived at precisely that moment anyway, and you are probably right. Yet I don't think this is about my 'prayer' working, but the fact that God allowed me, and more importantly my daughter, to experience Him. For me, I prayed with little faith (if not none!), and had an expected answer in mind (the car would start miraculously) that I didn't expect to happen. Yet the outcome was indeed out of my expectations--I didn't have to wait long for help to arrive.

I am no expert in prayer. I don't pray often enough and I haven't worked out this 'prayer' thing around my head either, but I can confidently say that God listens to and answers our prayers. Yes, even a little girl's one. I don't know whether my daughter knows what praying really means, but I hope that one day, she may remember this little incident where we prayed, and God answered.

And the end of the story? Well, it turned out that our car had a flat battery, easily fixed. We got to Gumnut safe and sound, and my daughter was able to spend a lovely day with her friends there! :-)

How has God answered your prayer today?

P.S. I'm in no way implying that prayer is useless in the sense that things will happen even if we don't pray. God can choose to work through prayer (which I think is pretty awesome), but prayer is a big topic and probably warrants another post ;-)

Little Joys

What brings a smile to your face? What instantaneously, and without warning, makes you grin from ear to ear?

For me, it has to be those little moments I share with my family. The giggles from my almost 5-month-old when his hand touches my face, the smile of my almost 2-year-old when she is pleased with herself, the picture of seeing my husband, my kids and I just enjoying each other's company and doing silly things (as you do when kids are around)--these moments are just so precious, and each moment has me exclaiming: life is good!

When my daughter calls out for me to cuddle her, and I get to hold her tight as she plays with my hair--life is good. When my son is feeding, and I can feel his warmth as he clutches my finger in his hand--life is good. When my husband and I both have one child on our laps, and we can cuddle, play and laugh together--life is good.

Yet for every moment that makes me smile, that has me thinking over and over that life is good, I am gripped with fear that these moments won't last for ever. And the reality is, they can't. For one, my children will eventually grow up, and there will come a day when they don't want to be cuddled and kissed anymore (fair enough). For another, no one can predict what would happen to the world tomorrow, or to us.

But I don't want that fear to ruin these moments--these little joys in life that make our hearts glad. I'm learning to savor every drop of them, and at the same time, learning to be trusting in the one that holds the future. When life's turmoil comes my way, I want to be able to look back and smile no matter how hard and painful life gets...

What about you? What are the little joys in your life? Treasure them, cherish them, and be thankful for them. They are life's little energy boosters :-)

My kids are not born Christians

My kids are not born Christians.

I am a Christian. My husband is a Christian. We will raise our children in a Christian (and hopefully, godly) way. But in no way would that make them Christians. Nope, not at all. Going to church, listening to Bible stories, and knowing the 'right' answer to every Sunday school question will not get them into heaven, i.e. an eternal relationship with the God who created us, loves us, and saved us.

Does this surprise you? For those who know me, you're probably thinking, "Yeah right, as if you don't want your kids to be Christians!", and you're probably right. Of course I want my kids to be Christians. But I can't force them, and it's not up to me anyway. Each of my children will have to make his/her own choice, just as I have been able to make my own choice in becoming a Christian (thank you to my parents, though not Christians themselves, who allowed me this freedom!).

I don't know how many years I'll have to wait. I might die before any of my children become Christians. My only prayer is that my hubby and I, despite our sinfulness, weaknesses and mistakes, can reflect even just a little of God's great love so that they may be drawn to want to know Him. Then love Him. Then follow Him.

Misunderstanding

"How dare you allow your child to cry like that, and how dare you come sit at the table next to me!!!" This was the message I got as the lady stared at me with a big frown on her face.

I was out with my two kids a few days ago, and went to a food court cafe for a quick lunch. Pushing a pram with a crying baby with one hand and holding a toddler with the other, I was shown to a table by the wait staff. There were two elderly ladies on the adjacent table, so I apologized for the crying as I was fiddling with placing my toddler in the highchair. One lady just smiled, but the other gave me a very angry, disapproving look.

I was shocked. Here I was being courteous, and there was someone who didn't seem to understand the fact that I only had two hands. Furious, I asked to be moved to another table, stating that I thought I was disturbing other guests. And so we moved.

All was well outwardly, but my mind would not stop spinning. I was still furious at the lady's stare, and was thinking of whinging on Facebook (oh dear! How FB is really dominating our lives! But that's a topic for another day...), and how I would respond if she said anything to me about my crying baby. I kept glancing back to see if the lady was still giving me any more disapproving looks, but being short-sighted and inflexible with my neck muscles (after all, I'm not an owl) I couldn't really see much. I prayed that God would help me forgive and not think anymore of it, but during the whole 20 minutes, I just could not let the incident go. In the end I decided that before we left the cafe, I'd go over to the two ladies again. Not to retaliate with words, although that thought did cross my mind more than once, but to apologize again for disturbing them before. And that's exactly what I did.

I expected to be greeted with a frown again and was getting ready with a comeback (I never learn huh!), but the result was totally beyond my expectations. The lady actually responded, not exactly with a smile but still quite nicely, "Oh you were alright, it's just that I had a terrible experience at the mall yesterday!" "Oh, what happened?" I enquired, curious. The lady went on to explain how she encountered a kid who was screaming non-stop, but his mum actually thought him funny and did nothing to stop him for the whole time she was there. When she saw me and the crying baby, she automatically thought, "Oh no, not again!!!", and thus she looked so angry and unhappy.

We parted on friendly terms, and my daughter even got a smile out of the lady. I left the cafe feeling very different than I would otherwise have felt if I hadn't gone to speak with the ladies. It didn't take long to say sorry, but doing so saved me from an unwarranted period of frustration (I admit I tend to overreact). It could have gone the other way, I suppose, if the lady responded differently, but I felt it was worth resolving the issue even if it were just for my own peace of mind.

This incident was not life changing on any terms, but it led me to contemplate on how we can often jump to conclusions too quickly. When we see a mother with a toddler throwing a tantrum in the supermarket isle, do we automatically assume the kid is 'naughty' and not disciplined? When we encounter a grumpy person on the bus, do we automatically judge the person in disapproval? Behind every face there is a story, and while it would be impossible to spend time with every individual and hear their stories, the world may just be that little more empathetic if we were willing to look beyond the surface even just for a few minutes...

Path

 

Life is a path well trodden,

But each man must walk his own.

*******************************************************

I couldn't articulate my thoughts into another poem except for the first two lines, so have given up being 'poetic' and will just type them out normally instead...

As I watched my daughter running down the path the other day, it came to my realisation that, as much as I would be reluctant to let go, my daughter must walk her own path as she grows up. As a mother it's normal to worry for your children--will they get sick, will they meet bad people and be led astray, will they be able to handle life's obstacles... The list never ends, and you worry for life, literally--well, at least I think I will. 

Yet as much as I worry, I cannot direct nor change my daughter's course of life. 

Accepting the fact that my daughter must walk her own path of life, I contemplated how she could trace and learn from the footsteps before her, and how I'd urge her to leave behind footsteps worthy of others to follow. But she is human, and she is not perfect. She will make mistakes, she will stumble and fall. The verdict? That's just the way life is. C'est la vie.

And then it came to me. There is one path that none but one had walked, and none can ever follow. It's the path that led to ultimate suffering and ultimate sacrifice. But that's not all. It also led to ultimate life. It dawned on me that, if only she can know this path, and Him who walked on it, then she would know she has never been, nor ever will be alone.

I will continue to worry--I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't. But I am comforted by the fact that the Author of Life has got everything under control, and that He will never leave my daughter's side. I can only pray that one day, she too will come to know Him and the meaning of the path He had walked.

I Remember Love

This is a song my hubby and I wrote for our parents back when we got married in 2005. The title (not to be confused with Sarah Dawn Finer's or Air Supply's songs) was inspired by a story I read in "Chicken Soup for the Soul"--a book I read back in my high school days. The story, titled "All I Remember", spoke of how the author saw her mother, who had suffered Alzheimer's Disease and passed away, in a vision. Below is a quote from the book...

"I said, 'Oh Mother, I'm so sorry you had to suffer with that terrible disease.' She tipped her head slightly to one side... Then she smiled--a beautiful smile--and said very distinctly, 'But all I remember is love.'

Those words stayed with me a long time. I remember thinking--if ever one day I forget everything, I hope I would remember love.

The love shown to us by our parents and people closest to us is what shapes us into the person we have become today. And this is what this song is about.

***************************

I remember Love
I remember your touch
The warmth of your hands
Made all pain disappear

I remember Love
I remember your gentleness
The sound of your voice
Whispering my name

If you ask me
I remember Love
Etched on my mind
An age-old picture
Whose colours never fade
Only grow richer
With each passing day

I remember Love
I remember your voice
The voice that
Today has slowly become mine

I remember Love
I remember your eyes
That saw me through all these years
Through all joys and pains

If you ask me
I remember Love
Etched on my mind
An age-old picture
Whose colours never fade
Only grow richer
With each passing day

I remember Love
I remember your tears
The tears that showed me
You really cared

We will never forget
All the times we’ve been through
Sunshine or rain
Made us who we are

If you ask me
I remember Love
Etched on my mind
An age-old picture
Whose colours never fade
Only grow richer
With each passing day

I may not remember much
I may not remember much
But I remember love.

(c) Shadow & Hub 2005

*****************

Teardrop in a Mother's Eye

A song I wrote many years ago... Dedicated to all mums, and dads :-)

A baby's first cry
Teardrop in his mother's eye
A tear shed in joy and relief
To celebrate the gift of life

A toddler's first step
Teardrop in his mother's eye
A tear shed in joy and excitement
As the child stumbles into her arms

Oooh... Day by day
The child's feet grew stronger and stronger
And he stands tall
As his mother watches him in pride
With a teardrop in her eye

Then the years went by
Faster than the blink of an eye
There was once a time of separation
And a time to be together again

And yet there came
Times of misunderstanding
When harsh words were spoken in anguish
And the two worlds didn't seem to meet
One took the other's love for granted
And the other wondered when
This child of hers--
Yes, still a child in her eyes--
Will ever understand her love for him

How can one comprehend
The depth of a mother's love
The love she so timelessly gives
And the sacrifices she makes

Through these years
A child may never understand
Until that day
When he sees through his mother's eyes
With that teardrop in her eye

(c) Shadow 2003

Chasing Bubbles

Why do we chase after things that won't last,
Or long for what cannot fulfill?
Why do we yearn for what we do not have,
But give little thought to what we already possess?
Why do we get distracted by what's on the outside,
But not take time to look deep into the beauty of someone's heart?
Why do we live chasing bubbles,
Only to find them pop into nothingness one by one?

Trust

As I was watching my daughter wobble her way around the house today, it suddenly dawned on me how precious trust is in our relationship.

My baby had only just started walking about two to three weeks ago, and now goes exploring everywhere in the house she could possibly get to. With her new found skills, she also enjoys running after our cat. However, our cat isn't exactly the friendliest in the neighbourhood, and even my 17 month old knows that. It was from her running towards the cat, then running back to me and using my legs as her refuge that I realised how much trust she has in me. It is the trust that she can always go to mummy, and that mummy will be there for her to protect her, whenever she encounters something scary. There is no doubt, no second thoughts. She will go explore, yet not stray too far, and come straight back to mummy if something isn't quite right...

I treasure these moments in my heart, and I wanted to write them down before I forget. To know that my daughter trusts me so reinforces how important it is and will be for me to be worthy of her trust. Furthermore, it also made me consider my own trust in the heavenly Father. Do I trust Him like my child trusts me? I think not, and that is a lesson that I'll gladly continue to learn...

Problems are like weeds...

Problems in life are like weeds. Although they seem overwhelming at first, and you may think you would never be able to pluck them all out, once you get to the root, removing them becomes much less daunting. Before you know it, the weeds will be gone, and green grass can once again blossom.

There are always times in life
When we wish we could turn back time
Take back a word we've said
Say what we should've said
Do what we should've done

Too often opportunities pass us by
But we are too busy to notice
"Tomorrow will be another day", we say
But who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Day after day, week after week
The world keeps turning
And people keep living
But for some of us
Time stood still today, if only for a moment

Let us weep, mourn, and then be silent
Then rejoice in our shared memories
And when our time comes
May we meet again to share once more...

To my friend Ben...

Ben... I was really looking forward to see you yesterday morning... I had made chocolate truffles, the ones that Meg made last Christmas, and since I ran out of white chocolate, I tried making icing for the first time in my life. I used apple & cranberry juice--you introduced me to the world of cranberries, remember, and I thought you would love the taste of the icing! As I was making it, I was just imagining how you would compliment on it--you always had a sweet tooth!

I was also looking forward to giving you your Christmas card. It's a pop-up card with a sleeping Santa on it--when I saw it I thought I just HAD to give it to you! Just wanted to tease you a bit ;-) Who told you to always nod your head during our work meetings! =P

You know, Ben, when I arrived at work yesterday I was really surprised that you weren't already in. I thought maybe you had a physio appointment and would be coming in late, so as I sat and put icing on the truffles (i didn't have time in the morning to put the icing on), I was waiting in anticipation for you to walk in the door and be pleasantly surprised! Then Dale walked in, shooed me into the conference room, and I started to have a very bad feeling. My heart started pounding and I just had the urge to rush out of the room, but I stayed. Then the CEO came in. Then he broke the news. Then I broke down... I just couldn't believe my ears... I didn't want to believe that it was true...

Ben... you are the best work buddy anyone could ever have, and I feel so privileged to have been sitting next to you and seeing you every work day during the last 2-3 years. You know, when I first found out you'll be joining us, I was worried that I might lose my job cos you are such a smart guy!!! And you are indeed smart--you picked up MFC in half a month when it took me like half a year =P But you were never arrogant--you would always encourage me even when I thought I was the crappiest programmer ever. We got along just fine, and I just loved how we could just talk to each other whenever, and share lots and lots of lollies! Our little 'pantry' was never empty (mostly thanks to you!)... We also shared lots of fun flash games, funny videos, and endless conversations about our future career and what not... Oh, and the classic Olympic hats that won us the prize at the morning tea earlier this year--how I wish I had a photo! Why did you never send the ones you had to me? =(

When we were told we had to move out of our old room, our first thought was naturally anywhere was fine as long as we could still sit together! =) Luckily we were able to, albiet with a little wall between us that you transformed into our lolly stand, with ornaments! We have yet to build the crane that would transfer lollies from one side to another, and you still owe me a bristlebot! You helped me move everything across to the new room, since I only work 10 hours a week now, just so I didn't need to waste my working hours on packing and unpacking stuff! You would always get my payslip for me and leave it on my desk--thank you so, so much...

Ben, I will never forget the times we've shared together, although it was waaaaaaaay too short... I will never forget the time when you brought back hot chips from Linfield, and we were just eating chips (for lunch?!) and chatting away... And how you demonstrated your paper dart over the field! I had just asked you to show me how you did it again last week... I'll remember fondly of the times when we had our fire exit door open to let in the breeze, your papers flying everywhere, and my little heater going... I've always wanted to get you those paper weight things, but I never saw one that I thought you'd like... After so many years, we still haven't watched Transformers together over lunch like we said we would! I'll be missing your UFO lollies, the haw flakes, jelly beans, but most of all, just having you next to me so I can chat to someone whenever I want to, instead of just staring at my computer! =P I will miss seeing your quirky inventions, and hearing your stories. I'll remember the times we had at the last 3 Melbourne Cup functions at work and your funky hats... At the first Melbourne Cup you were still working casual and we just started to get to know each other... At the second you brought your lego dinosaur hard hat and won the prize... And at the third you brought your horse hat that won the prize, again! And me? I left work with nothing, lol...

Ben, you won't know how much I'm going to miss you... I can't imagine going in to work knowing that you won't be next to me anymore... I'm so sorry that I took for granted that I'll always see you after every weekend, after every holiday. I'm really sorry... I never told you how much I appreciated your friendship over the last few years. Thank you for the little kitty you bought for me on my b'day last year... We never ended up giving it a name cos 'Kitty' has already been taken by your kitty! I'm sorry I only managed to get you a card for your b'day... I feel so slack... I wish I did more for you... I wish I shared with you more about the one thing that mattered most to me...

Ben, you will be greatly missed by all of us at work, especially by the outcomes girls and me. I wish, with all my heart, that we will one day meet again...

Farewell...