A confession from an emotional hoarder...

I'm an emotional hoarder--I'll admit to that. I've kept almost every single letter, card, postcard, and anything with sentimental value that you can think of for almost two decades. Not that I look at them often, but come the time of spring cleaning, I would most certainly find myself sitting on the floor and just read through the words handwritten by those who have come into my life one time or another.

Such sentimental items have, inevitably, decreased in number ever since the introduction of emails, e-cards, e-whatever. The only mail I get in the mailbox nowadays are bills, junk mail, and internet-shopped goodies. And even though I have 10 GB and counting of space in my email inbox, the majority of emails received fall into the following categories (in order of quantity): promotional material, work-related, prayer letters, and random emails from my husband. I can't remember the last time a friend had written just to say hi or to update on what's been happening in his/her life--heck, I can't remember when was the last time I had done the same!

The cyber world has made reaching another person so easy--too easy, in fact, unless you are determined not to let too much of your information seep through the packets of data being sent all around the world. With Facebook, I was able to get in contact with many long lost friends from primary school and high school years, which is so amazing! Yet at the same time, I feel more removed from them than I ever did... It was great to see where everyone is at, what everyone is doing after so many years, how their looks haven't changed, etc, etc, but to be utterly honest, after the first few Facebook messages along the lines of, "Oh my! Long time no see! It's so good to be in touch again! What's going on in your life? Here is what's going on in mine...", the communication kind of stops there. I can still like their photos, comment on their status updates, but who am I kidding if I think I can rekindle that old spark of friendship that we shared so many years ago? As a matter of fact, I actually really want to, but I also understand that we are all living our different lives in different places now, with our different friends, and unless we all share that same desire to rekindle old friendship, we can only remain as we are--Facebook friends with a history. A history that goes beyond the Facebook timeline.

But that's life, isn't it? We can't be everywhere all at once. We can't be friends with everybody at the same emotional level. We are so limited, and try as we may, we are unable to maintain the same depth of relationship with everyone except those few who stick by us even when the sky falls down. Yet at different points in time, all these friends have been a huge part of my life. I thank all of those who have left footprints in my heart over the years, who have helped me become the person I am today.

I remember fondly the days when we wrote letters on pretty letter papers to communicate. I miss the feeling of anticipation of receiving a reply, however long it took. I miss seeing handwriting that conveys emotions, instead of emoticons that I have trouble understanding sometimes. And I feel sorry to all the friends who have once been in my life but I failed to keep in touch with them as I should--when it was me who failed to call, or write, or email. I am sorry if I have disappointed you. And if you are still my friend despite all my failings, thank you for staying in touch. :-)

I saw a quote recently: "The past is a place that's very worthwhile visiting, but not worthwhile staying." I love reminiscing about the good old days, but I know I cannot forever stay in the past and wish things would still be the way they were. Yet I do hope that somewhere, someday, somehow, old friendships can be rekindled and we can reminisce together of what used to be, and look forward to what will become. Meanwhile, even just the odd email or Facebook message/comments will have to suffice. :-P

P.S. Wow, this has got to be the longest post on this blog to date. Thanks for reading if you got this far! ;-) Oh, and in case you were wondering, I used a photo of my cat because she, too, is an emotional hoarder--but the negative kind. She holds grudges.

Misunderstanding

"How dare you allow your child to cry like that, and how dare you come sit at the table next to me!!!" This was the message I got as the lady stared at me with a big frown on her face.

I was out with my two kids a few days ago, and went to a food court cafe for a quick lunch. Pushing a pram with a crying baby with one hand and holding a toddler with the other, I was shown to a table by the wait staff. There were two elderly ladies on the adjacent table, so I apologized for the crying as I was fiddling with placing my toddler in the highchair. One lady just smiled, but the other gave me a very angry, disapproving look.

I was shocked. Here I was being courteous, and there was someone who didn't seem to understand the fact that I only had two hands. Furious, I asked to be moved to another table, stating that I thought I was disturbing other guests. And so we moved.

All was well outwardly, but my mind would not stop spinning. I was still furious at the lady's stare, and was thinking of whinging on Facebook (oh dear! How FB is really dominating our lives! But that's a topic for another day...), and how I would respond if she said anything to me about my crying baby. I kept glancing back to see if the lady was still giving me any more disapproving looks, but being short-sighted and inflexible with my neck muscles (after all, I'm not an owl) I couldn't really see much. I prayed that God would help me forgive and not think anymore of it, but during the whole 20 minutes, I just could not let the incident go. In the end I decided that before we left the cafe, I'd go over to the two ladies again. Not to retaliate with words, although that thought did cross my mind more than once, but to apologize again for disturbing them before. And that's exactly what I did.

I expected to be greeted with a frown again and was getting ready with a comeback (I never learn huh!), but the result was totally beyond my expectations. The lady actually responded, not exactly with a smile but still quite nicely, "Oh you were alright, it's just that I had a terrible experience at the mall yesterday!" "Oh, what happened?" I enquired, curious. The lady went on to explain how she encountered a kid who was screaming non-stop, but his mum actually thought him funny and did nothing to stop him for the whole time she was there. When she saw me and the crying baby, she automatically thought, "Oh no, not again!!!", and thus she looked so angry and unhappy.

We parted on friendly terms, and my daughter even got a smile out of the lady. I left the cafe feeling very different than I would otherwise have felt if I hadn't gone to speak with the ladies. It didn't take long to say sorry, but doing so saved me from an unwarranted period of frustration (I admit I tend to overreact). It could have gone the other way, I suppose, if the lady responded differently, but I felt it was worth resolving the issue even if it were just for my own peace of mind.

This incident was not life changing on any terms, but it led me to contemplate on how we can often jump to conclusions too quickly. When we see a mother with a toddler throwing a tantrum in the supermarket isle, do we automatically assume the kid is 'naughty' and not disciplined? When we encounter a grumpy person on the bus, do we automatically judge the person in disapproval? Behind every face there is a story, and while it would be impossible to spend time with every individual and hear their stories, the world may just be that little more empathetic if we were willing to look beyond the surface even just for a few minutes...